When you walk out of a movie thinking hard to find its goofs… then my perception is that it was a good movie. But that sentence had nothing to do with SALT… I walked out after watching SALT, smirking… actually laughing at the plight of the much publicized ‘unbreakable’, future-proof’, ‘we spend more than a gazillion billions on it’ US security system! This next few words may be a spoiler but when Leiv Schreiber actually slaps the President of the United States (SIR YES SIR!!) in his own high security, so far unknown bunker, I couldn’t help but feel a small sense of relief that… albeit only in movies, but a set of patriotic American citizens actually greet the concept of US presidential security with the same empathy as a bunch of very drunk British football hooligans do, when they meet a lone opponent supporter in a dark lawless alley! Laughable, actually pitiable!!
Now that I got that out of my system… the movie was actually pretty good. Angelina ‘Anorexia’ Jolie carries the movie on her feeble looking shoulders and delivers the much needed buoyancy to keep the film not only afloat but sailing through ‘Inception’ filled seas. She presents an explosive action performance which to equate to a male portrayal would need Jackie Chan-Matt Damon-Bruce Lee-Tom Cruise-James Bond-Spiderman rolled up into one. What’s very different to her Lara Croft hash is that Agent Salt speaks an amazing lot through her expressions, something you were left crying for, in the Croft Chaos. Agent Evelyn Salt is a super spy, who has infallibility as her super power and while she does get scratched a few times, she leaves a trail of bodies of erstwhile very burly baddies… Male chauvinists – cry your heart out! She is a lone female battling in and against a male dominated villains club.
Anyway, sequence one is her being led back from the confines of a North Korean prison with a swollen left eyelid… obviously an attempt to relate to the current set of the US ‘I don’t like you’ countries but the rest of the movie is about cold war Russian maniacs who can’t let go of the past. It’s almost like the world forgot to tell them that the cold war’s over and they continue to perform their duties of destruction like programmed robots. Anyway, back to the scene – her mushier than mush German husband (Mike Krause) is waiting for her… and if you thought – that’s a bit too mushy for a killing machine wife who can bring down whoever, whatever, whenever… no! The fact that he is an arachnologist (Spider scientist geek) just pushes you over the edge! His character is a real misfit in this otherwise swashbuckling roller coaster.
Hmm… the plot you dare ask… and I dare write - A strange ragged old man claiming to be a Russian spy Vassily Orlov (Daniel Olbrychski) walks into the CIA headquarters and seeks to defect and in return reveals that Ms. Salt is actually a Russian spy and will be killing the Russian president in a few days time…the rest of the movie is how Ms. Salt absconds to prove her innocence. There’s a quick crash (literally) course on how to jump from one speeding truck to another on an American freeway, maniac bike riding, using a fire extinguisher and a couple of metal table legs to create a bazooka, advanced stun gun usage techniques – driving a 4X4 special, surviving a sub zero swim after a 1000ft jump from a helicopter, extracting spider venom to use in an explosive device, dog walking on a 25cm ledge outside the 40th floor, cross dressing to look ugly, etc. and most importantly on how, with the right amounts of speed, technique (and payment) 6 foot 300 pound baddies who can kill you with their toe nail can collapse worse than a pack of cards when kicked by an anorexic and injured spy.
As a sub plot, it turns out that Evelyn Salt was actually trained by the Russians in a special spy school for kids by Vassily Orlov but her bug loving husband’s love has made her a good American rather than a bad commie rooskie. Philip Noyce who is adept in playing mind games with great hits like ‘Clear & Present Danger’, ‘The Bone Collector’ and ‘Patriot Games’ does it again with a ‘is she? /isn’t she?’ plot. The Kurt Wimmer script also delivers a punchy and racy albeit thin storyline. All in all, it was pure enjoyment for the mindless action seeker.
None of the main protagonists of the flick live to see the sequel if there is one except for Chiwetel Ejiofor, who does a lot of nothing in this venture. I felt that Salt 2 is necessary… as Ms. Jolie is yet to prove her innocence to her world and like Mr. Bourne could have bigger fish to fry before coming clean.
One question kept creeping back into my head… if Vassily trained Evelyn to be the ultimate Russian spy who has successfully infiltrated the CIA system and now is on the verge of completing her assignment of killing the Russian President…. Why the F-ing hell does he walk into the CIA HQ and reveal the plot??? Kurt, Philip… anyone… can someone please throw some sense into that…. Or am I daring for too much!
